Do what works for your family

These days it seems like parents have advice coming at them from all sides: eat organic, don’t let them play with plastic toys, restrict screen time, play classical music, breastfeed until they’re 10, get them a dog, teach them to play the cello, speak 3 languages at home, etc.

With all this advice, most of it conflicting, it’s easy for parents to get frustrated.

I’m going to add another piece of advice to the never ending onslaught, but hopefully this one will actually make your life easier. So here it is:

DO. WHAT. WORKS. FOR. YOUR. FAMILY.

Groundbreaking, right?

Mom guilt is real, and it’s ugly. When my first daughter was born, I literally felt guilty for everything.

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•           Leaving her with loving and perfectly capable dad while I took a shower for the first time in a week? I felt guilty.

• ·         Going back to work when she was 8 weeks old because my maternity leave was up and we had to pay the mortgage? I felt guilty.

• ·         Realizing that while I missed her like crazy, I actually like my job and feel a sense of accomplishment from reading and discussing literature with teenagers all day? I felt CRUSHINGLY guilty.

• ·         Pumping breast milk at work and getting <gasp!> a half ounce less from one side than the other? I felt guilty.

• ·         Having another baby and having to divide my time between the two of them? I felt guilty.

And that’s when I got the best piece of advice from my best friend, who is a forensic pathologist with a husband and two kids, and also happens to run marathons to raise money for Leukemia research in her spare time: Do what works for your family.

So what does that mean?

I means that:

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•            I’m still breastfeeding my youngest, who turned two in February. She finds comfort in it, I know it’s good for her nutritionally, and frankly I like having that snuggle time with her a few times every day. Plus, my girls are learning that this is what breasts are FOR! Do I get weird looks? Do family members make comments? Yep, but it works for my family.

• ·         Most nights my kids eat nutritious, homemade meals, but some nights we do Macaroni and Cheese from a box, because I’m exhausted/we were out late/the kids like it/I don’t want to die on that particular hill tonight, and it works for my family.

• ·          I limit screen time and have rules about what my kids can and cannot watch, but some days they end up watching Moana three times in a row while I regain my sanity. I don’t feel great about it, but it works for my family.

• ·         I work. I’m a full time high school English teacher. I have a lot of prep work and grading to do at night after the kids go to bed, and it means that my little one is in daycare while her big sister is in school, but I have found that I’m a better mother when I can feel successful in my career, apart from my kids, and it works for my family.

• ·         I chose to put my oldest daughter, who has ADHD, SPD, and anxiety on medication. Some people say I’m drugging her, but I’ve done a lot of research, and spoken with innumerable experts including MDs, PHds, and therapists, and it works for my family.

Does everything work, all the time? LORD, NO. But we’re working on it, and doing our best every day to find what works for us on that particular day.

So feel ok about ignoring your sister/mother in law/neighbor/pinterest/facebook/Instagram/well-meaning stranger, and do what works for your family.

*Just please don’t ignore your pediatrician/well documented research/etc.

Don't let the green beans on the plate fool you! She's covered in chocolate.